🤗 “Give Grandma a Hug!”

Why We Should Stop Forcing Our Kids to Show Physical Affection—Even to Family

It happens at birthday parties, holidays, and family gatherings.
An adult opens their arms and says,
“Come here—give me a hug!”
And the child freezes.

Maybe they hesitate. Maybe they look uncomfortable.
But they’re nudged forward anyway—because it’s Grandma.
Or Uncle Joe.
Or someone they “shouldn’t be rude to.”

But here’s the truth:
Just because it’s family doesn’t mean it’s okay.
And just because it’s well-meaning doesn’t mean it’s harmless.

At California Defense Academy, we teach kids how to set clear physical boundaries, trust their instincts, and speak up for themselves—even when it feels uncomfortable.
Because learning to say “no” to things like hugs or sitting on someone’s lap is one of the first and most important forms of self-defense.

🧠 The Psychology Behind Forced Affection

Forcing children to hug or kiss someone—even a relative—can blur the lines between:

• Doing something because it feels safe

• And doing something because they feel obligated, even when it doesn’t feel right

Over time, this can condition them to:

• Ignore discomfort to avoid hurting someone’s feelings

• Believe their body is not fully their own

• Think it’s rude to set a boundary with people they know

And those patterns don’t just disappear as they grow up.
They follow them into friendships, dating, the workplace, and beyond.

We want children to develop the ability to say:
🗣️ “That makes me uncomfortable.”
🗣️ “I’d rather not.”
🗣️ “I’m not okay with that.”

And more importantly—we want them to know they don’t owe anyone physical affection.

🛡️ Boundaries ARE Self-Defense

At C.D.A., our Krav Maga curriculum is built on the idea that confidence, communication, and intuition come first. We don’t just teach kids how to fight—we teach them:

• How to recognize when something feels off

• How to set a verbal boundary (even with adults)

• And how to hold that boundary—respectfully, clearly, and without shame

We give them simple scripts, like:
🗣️ “I don’t feel comfortable with that. Can we do a handshake instead?”
🗣️ “No thank you, I’d rather give you a high-five.”

This allows kids to maintain control of their own body without making it awkward for the other person.
And for the record—it’s not the child’s job to manage how the adult feels.
It’s the adult’s job to model respect for the child’s boundaries.

🏡 What Parents Can Do Instead

Here’s how you can help shift the culture in your own family:

✅ Give Your Child Permission to Choose

Before a family gathering, say:
“You don’t have to hug or kiss anyone today. You can wave, fist bump, or whatever feels good to you.”
This makes them feel supported before the pressure happens.

✅ Give the Adults a Heads-Up

Let Grandma or Uncle Joe know ahead of time:
“We’re teaching [child’s name] about body boundaries, so we’re letting them decide how they want to say hello.”
This sets the tone without creating a scene in the moment.

✅ Celebrate Their Boundary-Setting

If your child says no to a hug and offers a handshake instead, back them up.
Say something like:
“Thanks for respecting their choice—they’re learning to listen to their feelings.”
The more you support it, the more confident they’ll become.

✨ Final Thought

Your child’s comfort matters more than someone else’s temporary feelings.
And teaching them that now sets the foundation for safer, stronger, more self-assured choices later in life.

Because the truth is—if a child can’t say no to a hug from someone they know,
how can we expect them to say no when something feels off with someone they don’t?

At C.D.A., we’re not just building fighters.
We’re building kids who trust themselves—completely.
🖤💚

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